None Jokes

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    I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
    house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
    non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
    I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
    and pear trees.

    So, I was wrong.

    Sue me.

    I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
    invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
    told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
    on Christmas Eve."

    "Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

    I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
    bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
    looking forward to meeting all of you."

    "Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

    And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
    What more...

    Men and Women Compared

    Hot 8 years ago

    If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale.
    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
    A woman has the last word in any more...

    The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?" "None," answered little Norman. "None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic." "Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

    One of my teachers always jokes around with us and during class and all the kids talk about his personal life. And one day during class our teacher bent over to pick his pen up and his hiney was all up in my friends face.
    And my teachers favorite student said "Hey MR.***, why are you wearing a thong, and then everyone started saying things like "he's wearing a pink frilly thong!" or "it has to be XXL!" And then Mr.*** said loudly "My personal life is none of yalls buisness! Alright?" And every one, including me said "no!" And Mr.*** said " Me and my thong ain't none of yalls buisness!" Clearly Mr*** just admitted that he wears a thong! Everyone busted out laughing, and our teacher was REALLY blushing! LOL!!!

    Two cow explanation

    Hot 7 years ago

    The "Two Cow Explanation" of what makes...
    A Christian Democrat: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
    A Socialist (or a Canadian New Democrat): You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    A Republican (or a Canadian Conservative): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
    A Democrat (or a Canadian Liberal): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
    A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
    Democracy, American Style: You have two cows. The more...

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