If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale.
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
A woman has the last word in any more...
NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...
How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The PlanAnd then came the AssumptionsAnd the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substanceAnd the darkness was upon the face of the WorkersAnd the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,"It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice more...
One of my teachers always jokes around with us and during class and all the kids talk about his personal life. And one day during class our teacher bent over to pick his pen up and his hiney was all up in my friends face.
And my teachers favorite student said "Hey MR.***, why are you wearing a thong, and then everyone started saying things like "he's wearing a pink frilly thong!" or "it has to be XXL!" And then Mr.*** said loudly "My personal life is none of yalls buisness! Alright?" And every one, including me said "no!" And Mr.*** said " Me and my thong ain't none of yalls buisness!" Clearly Mr*** just admitted that he wears a thong! Everyone busted out laughing, and our teacher was REALLY blushing! LOL!!!
1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water more...