Strong Jokes

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    Aussie Father

    Hot 11 months ago

    Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
    Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later."
    At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch.
    Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording more...

    Escaped prisoner

    Hot 3 years ago

    A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
    As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
    on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
    I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
    This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
    Be strong, honey. I love you."
    To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
    He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the more...

    1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
    3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
    5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
    6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A more...

    HUM: The Village People Meets Star Wars (***)
    Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A")
    (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).
    YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
    YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
    YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
    *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
    YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
    WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
    GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
    *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
    He's 900 years old!
    He's so strong in the Force!
    Do your Jedi Diploma course!
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    Come and get yourself clean!
    Come and have a good meal!
    Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!
    YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
    SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
    TIN CAN started more...

    The honest cajun

    Hot 1 year ago

    I heard this one on the radio, offered up by a Cajun cafe owner in Louisiana, so read it with a French Cajun accent...
    Leetle Jean and heez father lived down on zee bayou. Jean wuz a very strong boy for all of heez ten years of age. One day Jean's papa asked Jean if he wuz zee one who had pooshed their outhouse into zee waters of zee bayou.
    "Oh, no, Papa. I deed not do it!" say zee boy.
    Now, Jean's papa knew that zee boy had a mean streak, and being zee strong youngun that he wuz, he wuz certain that Jean must have done zee deed.
    He says: "Jean, now I really want you to tell me zee truth. Did you tip zee outhouse into zee bayou?"
    "Oh, no, Papa. I wouldn't do that!" say leetle Jean.
    Then Jean's Papa decides he must somehow win Jean's confidence to tell zee truth. He tells him zee following story.
    "Jean, oncest upon a time, our first president, George Washington, wuz a leetle boy jus' like you. One day heez papa asked heem more...

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