Ceiling Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
    3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
    5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
    6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A more...

    Things Adults Learn From Kids:

    There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

    If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

    It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

    Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

    When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

    A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    When you hear the toilet flush and the words more...

    SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
    SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
    FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
    ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
    SYMPTOM: Floor more...

    A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.
    Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.
    The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
    The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
    The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"
    "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
    The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"
    "What? And work in the dark!?!"

    A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark!?!"

  • Recent Activity