Laloo, Jayalalitha, and karunanidhi are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs. 100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha not wanting to be outdone says,
"If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs. 50 notes throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course karunanidhi doesn't want these two candidates to out do him so he pipes in,
" I would instead take one hundred Rs. 1 notes and throw them out to
make 100 people just a little happier."
At this point the pilot who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore comes out and says,
"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 100 crore people happy!"
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10 I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit thim in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them!
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the more...
Mahathir, Anwar and Daim are on a long flight in an executive jet. Daim pulls out a RM100 bill and says' I'm going to throw this RM100 bill out and make someone down below happy.' Anwar, not wanting to be outdone, says,' If that was my RM100 bill, I would split it into 2 RM50 bills and make two people down below happy.' Of course Mahathir doesn't want these two ministers to outdo him, so he pipes in,' I would instead take 100 RM1 bills and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.' At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says,' I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 20 million Malaysians happy.'
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...