Throw Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Laloo, Jayalalitha, and karunanidhi are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs. 100 note out and make someone down below happy."
    Jayalalitha not wanting to be outdone says,
    "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs. 50 notes throw them down and make two people down below happy."
    Of course karunanidhi doesn't want these two candidates to out do him so he pipes in,
    " I would instead take one hundred Rs. 1 notes and throw them out to
    make 100 people just a little happier."
    At this point the pilot who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore comes out and says,
    "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 100 crore people happy!"

    1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
    2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
    3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
    4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
    5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
    6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
    7. I will not throw up in the car.
    8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
    9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
    10 I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit thim in the backyard after processing.
    11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
    12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them!
    13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the more...

    A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
    "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
    "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
    "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
    "Throw out another anchor, sir."
    "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
    "Throw out another anchor, sir."
    "Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
    "From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

    Mom's Brownie Recipe

    Hot 4 years ago

    Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
    Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
    Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
    Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
    Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
    Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
    Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
    Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
    Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
    Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
    for ventilation.
    Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
    Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
    Let cat out of refrigerator.
    Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
    Bake 25 minutes.
    Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...

    A priest, a carpenter, and an army man all go up in a plane. The priest says lets all throw something out the window. So the priest starts by throwing a bible out the window. Then the carpenter throws a hammer out the window. Then the army man decides to throw a gernade out the window.
    After they throw everything out window the priest goes down to see what happened. He goes up to a kid that is crying and asks him what happened. He says a bible fell down and hit him. Then the priest goes up to another kid thats crying and he asks what happend. The kid says a bible hit him. Then the priest goes up to an old man sitting in a lawn chair laughing and asks what happened.
    The grandpa says I just farted and the building behind me blew up!

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