Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that more...
Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...
Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
They look nervously at one more...
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man. Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked. The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure." The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, more...