Father Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
    The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."
    The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"
    The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."
    The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"
    He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're more...

    Dirty Words

    Hot 1 year ago

    One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".
    Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking", and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".
    Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".
    Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over.
    Timmy answered the door with glee and says...
    "Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

    What is Politics?

    Hot 1 year ago

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

    Who Is It

    Hot 1 year ago

    While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with
    Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says
    that,
    it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
    Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.
    "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
    "Allow me to demonstrate."
    Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime
    Minister,
    please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father
    has a
    child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
    Manmohan immediately responds, "It`s me, Sir! "
    "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up
    and
    says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
    President. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon
    returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Condoleeza more...

    One day a girl went to church to make a confession
    GIRL: Forgive me father for I have sined
    PRIEST: What have you done my child
    GIRL: I called a man a son of a bitch
    PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Caused he touched my hand
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touches her hand)
    GIRL:Yes father.
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he touched my breast.
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touched her breast)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he took off my clothes father
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he takes off her clothes)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he stuck his you know what into her you know here)
    GIRL: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER
    PRIEST: (after a few minutes) that's no reason to call him a son of a more...

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