Pound Jokes

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain. Upon further inspection, he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". Thefirst knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down hispants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriatemusic. Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pantsand tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band playedappropriate music. After several more knights tried to prove their superiority... the King finally spoke out."I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to more...

I Wish I had a Pound
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
I would take it in the shower,
And I'd glory in its power.
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
-Songs of Cesium #111

It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an enormous birthday breakfast. Then she took him by the hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom, where they had the most amazing sex.
A couple of hours later as John was leaving the house, Mrs Jones pressed a pound coin into his hand.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I've got to ask - why the pound?"
"Well," said Mrs Jones, "I said to my husband last night 'It's the milkman's birthday tomorrow, what shall we give him?' and he replied 'Oh screw the milkman, give him a pound.' The breakfast was my idea!"

One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it.