Waterbed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Things Adults Learn From Kids:

    There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

    If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

    It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

    Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

    When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

    A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    When you hear the toilet flush and the words more...

    You wake up face down on the pavement.
    You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
    You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
    You see a '60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
    Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
    You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party
    but find there aren't any.
    Your twin brother forgot your birthday.
    You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes
    from the city.
    Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as
    you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.
    You wake to discover your waterbed has sprung a leak and
    then realize you don't have a waterbed.
    Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
    The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
    You call your answering service and you're told to mind
    your own business.
    Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
    Your tax refund more...

    You wake up face down on the pavement.
    You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
    You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
    You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.
    Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
    You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
    You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
    Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
    You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
    Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
    Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
    Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
    The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
    You wake up and your braces are locked together.
    You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of more...

    1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. 2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. 3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late. 4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes. 7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep. 8. Some things will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old that you'd imagine would remain in him or her. 9. Super glue is forever. 10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. 11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on more...

    1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
    2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
    3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
    4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
    6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
    7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
    8. Some things will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old that you'd imagine would remain in him or her.
    9. Super glue is forever.
    10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
    11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a more...

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