Spray Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    City of New York, Borough of Bronx
    High School Math Proficiency Exam
    Name:____________________ Gang:_________________
    1. Darnel has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he shoots 13 times during each drive-by shooting and misses 6 out of 10 shots, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
    2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine, and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Little Mikey for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of cocaine if he does not cut it?
    3. Rufus is pimping 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
    4. Dino wants to cut his half-pound of heroin to make a 20% profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
    5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
    6. Raoul is in prison for 6 more...

    Q: Why are men and spray paint alike?
    A: One squeeze and they're all over you.

    15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
    (I actually did all of these)
    1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
    (I met lots of new people this way)
    2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
    3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
    4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
    5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
    6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 6 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    Helpful Hints:

    Hot 1 year ago

    ** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    ** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

    ** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

    ** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

    ** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

    ** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

    ** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

    ** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

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