There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Alternate products include Bridge-Environoment-Eradication-Resolution (BEER) and Benign-Orderly-Overload-System-Enhancer (BOOSE). Administer the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted more...
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
You have just received the Reneck Virus. Because we don't use electricity, we don't have any computers or programming experience, so this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation and... God bless you.
The Computer Engineering Department.
*** VIRUS ALERT ***
If you receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo more...
/* Because we care about the health of your computer... */
If you received an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately without reading it! It is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will demagnitize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access codes, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave your dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear more...