Virus Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    New virus - WORK

    Hot 6 years ago

    There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

    This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Alternate products include Bridge-Environoment-Eradication-Resolution (BEER) and Benign-Orderly-Overload-System-Enhancer (BOOSE). Administer the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

    You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

    Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted more...

    Is Windows a Virus?

    Hot 4 years ago

    Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that, too.4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.So, Windows is *not* a virus.

    Is Windows A Virus?

    Hot 4 years ago

    No! Windows is not a virus.
    Here's what viruses do:
    They replicate quickly - ok, Windows does that.
    Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - ok, Windows does that.
    From time to time, viruses will trash your hard disk - ok, Windows does that too.
    Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that too.
    Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow - see 2 - and the user will buy new hardware. Yep, that's with Windows, too.
    Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
    So, Windows is not a virus.
    It's a bug.

    C-Nile Virus

    Hot 3 years ago

    I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.

    Symptoms:

    1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

    2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

    3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

    4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

    5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

    6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

    7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

    8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

    IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

    A Seaman's Tale

    Hot 3 years ago

    Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. more...

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