I accidentally left the fridge door open and all the food went off.
My wife was furious. "What am I supposed to do with all this food?"
I said. "Look, love, don't make a meal out of it."
"The pen is mightier than the sword."
Oh yeah, when was the last time a Muslim beheaded someone using a Parker?
My wife and I are inseparable.
The other night it took six policemen and two dogs to pull us apart
Congratulations to my Mum, who has now lost 4 stone in as many weeks.
She is dying of Cancer but, still, 4 stone!
My wife has just found out I've been fucking a Hermaphrodite.
She screamed at me, "What's she got that I haven't got?"