"Beer" joke
A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together. "Look at this", demands the wife, "£30 on Beer".
Husband replies, "Well, what about this? £40 on make up?"
The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."
The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking beer was for!"
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
Here's a joke my uncle told me:
Through some cosmic fluke, Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev all died on
the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that
these were all VIPs, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
God, sitting on his throne, more...
Ya Mama
Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
The Perfect Penis
A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.
That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a more...
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a more...