Bumblesquash's Jokes

JokesComments

Chat up line.

Hot 2 years agoby Bumblesquash

I was chatting up a girl last night. I said, "Is your dad a thief?"
She said, "Why, because he stole the stars and put them in my eyes?"
I said, "No, because you're a scouser."

I was telling the police officer how local youths had thrown a milk bottle at me and just missed.
He asked, "Skimmed past your face?"
I replied, "No, full fat over my shoulder."

Birthday mixup.

Hot 7 years agoby Bumblesquash

I asked my wife, "What do you want for your birthday, fatty?"
She said, "Don't get lippy."
Mascara it is then.

Batman

Hot 7 years agoby Bumblesquash

My wife complained that I'm always trying to be someone I'm not.

I'm wondering how the fuck she got into the batcave?

Happy Meal..

Hot 7 years agoby Bumblesquash

When ever I eat out at McDonald's, I like to have a Happy Meal...

So I leave the wife and kids at home.

Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a couple of shots, please."

The barman says, "That's not like you."

Funny bone..

Hot 8 years agoby Bumblesquash

I accidentally elbowed my wife, splattering her nose across her face.
I always wondered why they called it the funny bone.