"Farmer's sign language" joke
A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. "Damn it" he said.
He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.
His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.
This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.
As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.
The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn't believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up and walked over to the farm yard.
He walked up to his wife very irate and shouted at her "I told you to bring me over a pair of pliers for my tractor, it was broken down"
His wife snapped back "yeah, but I told you, there was a pair in the box under the seat".
A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'
The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle more...