"Mummy, mummy, why do fairy tales always start with 'Once upon a time'?"
"They don't always, little one... Your dad begins his with:
"'... I got caught up in the office. You wont beleive what happened...'!"
Submitted by Darcy
Twice a week a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border and he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything untoward.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene, that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level
on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
there and you can travel to any other part of the building
you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any more...
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so more...
A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."