Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet". So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied, "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
There were 2 rednecks that lived on opposite sides of the river. One was named Clearance and the other Billy.
They would always threaten to beat the crap out of each other, but said they couldn't because the river was keeping them from getting to each other.
They swore that if there was ever a bridge made that they would go across and fight.
Well a few years went by and they began to build a bridge. When it was done, Billy's wife told him to go fight Clearance since there was a bridge now. So he decided to head that way.
In the middle of the bridge, there was a sign that said "Clearance 11ft 3in.
All of a sudden Billy's wife heard a banging on the door. There was her husband, out of breath.
She asked "Well did you fight him?"
He said "No."
"Well why not?" she asked.
"Because Clearance didn't look eleven feet three inches from across the river."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.