Funny Jokes

At The Patent Office

Hot 23 hours ago

An inventor goes to the patent office, sees the patent officer and says, "I've got an invention; it's a folding bottle. I call it a fottle, get it? - folding bottle - fottle."
"Very nice, sir," the patent officer says. "Do you have any other inventions?"
"Yes, I do. I also have a folding carton; I call it a farton," replies the inventor.
"I'm sorry, sir," the officer says, "but that is an inappropriate name; it's disgusting."
"Oh," groans the inventor, "then I guess you wouldn't be interested in my folding bucket."

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and
resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather
die than to live another year in prison. Over the years she had
become good friends with one of the prison caretakers.
His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a
graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the
caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker
then got the body and put it in a casket.
Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before
returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the
casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it
with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would
leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were
She would slip into the coffin more...

The Boy & The father

Hot 1 day ago

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate
his plain toast (no honey and butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I?


Hot 1 day ago

Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
"Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time!

Nolan Ryan has agreed to become the Texas Rangers’ new president, making him the best pitcher in the organization.


Hot 1 day ago

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.