Funny Jokes

Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down.
The boy says: "It's a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!"
The girl replies: "No - it's a cosin, silly!!!"

Shellfish

Hot 3 weeks ago

Why don't lobsters share?
They're shellfish.

Lifeboat

Hot 1 month ago

After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when
they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.'I'll grant each of you a single wish,' said the genie.'I wish I was home,' said the first man. Then, poof! he disappeared.'I wish I was home, too,' said the second man. Poof! He disappeared too.The third man looked around.' Gee, I'm kind of lonely,' he said.' I wish my friends were here with me.'

A Leopard and his Spots

Hot 1 month ago

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam. "Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient. "My wife is a zebra."

A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory. When the case comes to court the judge decides to make an example of him to discourage other youths from a life of crime.
Judge: "Well, what have you to say in your defense?"
Boy: "Only that I'm sorry your honor."
Judge: "Hrmph. I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting immediately."
Boy: "But sir, it was only a few bars of cheap soap!"
Judge: "Consider yourself lucky! - It could have been life boy."

Jesus

Hot 1 month ago

A burgler walked into a quiet little house at the end of a road.
He was stealing diamonds when he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy freaks and turns around, seeing nothing he goes back to stealing diamonds.
And again he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
He turns around again and this time sees a parrot in a corner cage saying
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy gets all embarrassed about freaking out over a little parrot and says
"who do you think you are"
the bird replies
"Moses"
"What kind of idiot names their bird Moses"
"The same idiot who named their pitbull Jesus"

It's dark in here

Hot 1 month ago

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little more...