Funny Jokes

Who is high tech....??

Hot 1 week ago

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man, a japanese presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him curiosly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man (an american) lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man a sri lankan, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

Men are like lava lamps, fun to look at it but not all that bright.

A Chicago Salesman

Hot 1 week ago

A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver: "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"

"Pal," replied the cabby, "I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time in the pluperfect subjunctive."

Hallowe'en Costumes

Hot 2 weeks ago

One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
what there characters were.
When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
...and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
"I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
anything like that to such a gathering."
"O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

Jewelry

Hot 2 weeks ago

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

One hot summer I worked for the "L'il Stinker" company, a guy down the
street from us that pumped septic tanks. It actually wasn't a bad
job. Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego
County in a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had
backwoods then). My job was to get to the customer in advance of the
tank truck, find the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything
would be ready when "Sweeney" got there with the tank truck. The tank
truck was great-huge black monster with two white stripes running
down the back, a picture of a skunk, and his phone number. If you saw
it once, you remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.
Over the course of the summer "Sweeney" told me a number of interesting
and possibly true stories. This has always been one of my favorites.
Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy
suburb. Typical more...

Q: How many Tory

Hot 2 weeks ago

Q: How many Tory MP's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing service has been privatised and the information you require is commercially sensitive.