Funny Jokes

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

Knock Knock - Fifi

Hot 3 weeks ago

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Fifi!
Fifi who?
Fifi-ling cold, let me in!

Computer Dates

Hot 3 weeks ago

I was hanging out in a SCSI bar. A loud bandwidth played in the corner.

I gave the place a binary search. I saw a little chip in the corner. She SIMMed like a pro. I traversed over to her.

She pressed her Apples against me. "Hey, Mac, do you have a hard drive?"

"No, only a floppy," I replied.

"Well, then you need an Amiga," she sed.

"Vi?"

"Well, if I was your Amiga, we could interface."

We went to a motel on a VESA local bus.

The motel was SCSI-2. It needed to be debugged.

"So, how much is this going to cost me?" I queried.

She added it up right away. She had a mind like a...like a.... She could add really fast.

She stripped her binaries. It was quite a procedure.

"I'm going to turn your software into hardware," she transmitted.

She started to more...

1. You can name everyone you graduated with
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home
3. You know what 4-H is
4. You ever went to "headlight parties"
5. You used to drag "main"
6. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't
8. You ever went cow-tipping
9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties
10. You have parties at the same guy's house
12. School gets cancelled for state sporting events
13. The town social events are their children's
14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)
15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and more...

Land of Oz

Hot 1 month ago

Three past US Presidents are travelling on the Yellow Brick Road on their way to meet the Wizard. Each of them is missing a little something and hope the Wizard will be able to help them. When they meet the Wizard, he asks each in turn what they need.
"I could really use some courage," says Jimmy Carter. "That's no problem," says the Wizard and Carter gets his courage.
Turning to Ronald Reagan, the Wizard asks what he could use. "Oh, if only I had a brain," replies Mr. Reagan and presto, he has his brain.
The Wizard then looks at Bill Clinton and says, "Tell me, Mr. Clinton, what do you want most?"
Without hesitation, Clinton replies, "Is Dorothy around?"

(Original. Inspired by Rush Limbaugh's 'Environmentalist Wacko Football
Picks'.)
The Tree-Hugger's Guide to the NFL
Sure, football is a violence-glorifying testosterone orgy that should be
banned. But that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy it when you're not
out spiking trees or protesting your local gas station as a pollution-
mongering crime against the Earth. But when you're watching 22 steroid-
chomping overmuscled monsters (i.e, men) try to beat each other senseless
in a series of imperialist land grabs, how do you know who to cheer for?
We have the answer: Ranking the entire NFL in terms of What We Know Is
Right.
Our General Principles:
Any animal is better than any human.
Endangered animals are better than non-endangered animals.
Native Americans are better than other oppressed/discriminated
minorities are better than any other human.
Humans guilty of crimes against other humans are better than more...

I got up one morning and couldn`t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can`t find my socks." She said, "They`re behind the couch." And they were!