One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in a salad.
The Penis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room, and force me to do push-ups until I puke and pass out!
What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
Philippe, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Philippe and says,' Philippe, kiss me!'
Philippe grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Philippe?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Philippe the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up little, Marie says,' Philippe, kiss me lower.'
Philippe tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest.
'Philippe! What are you doing?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Philippe the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!'
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers,' Philippe, kiss me lower!'
Our hero rips off her panties, grabs more...
A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror. If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror. "I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar." And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car. Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror," I think Im the smartest person in this bar." And she gets a million dollars. Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror," I think..." POOF! She disappears.