Joke Buddha's Daily Jokes

Fat

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

your mama is so fat when she farted everyoen around the world thought it was thunder

Your moma like...

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Your moma is like a brick dirty on both sides and laid by mexicans.

hairline

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

your hairline so far back i thought u went bald in 3rd grade

Undocumented Windows Errors

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
•WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
•WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
•WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh?
•WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
•WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
•WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
•WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your
software. We are terribly sorry.
•WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that
•WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute.
•WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
•WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
•WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers
•WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.
•WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automaticly be closed and the virus will be activated again.
•WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed.
Please click the left mouse button to continue.
•WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.
•WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
•WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure
•WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available

Naughty Priest Hood

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

There are five men who are studying to become priests.
They have gone through 1 year of training and are ready for their finnal exam.
For the final exam the head priest decides that the students would have to stand in a field with a bell atached to their penis while a naked lady pranced in front of them.
the first four priest pass fine, but the fith one got an erection so fast and so big that the bell broke off.
Embaressed he bent down to pick up the broken bell and suddenly 4 other bells could be heard ringing.

Smoking Dragon....

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Q: What's the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon...?
A: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!

Kermit the Frog gets sued

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Kermit the Frog is getting sued by Miss Piggy for Sexual Harassment. She finally had enough of his greeting every time he called her on the phone: "Hi, Hoe - Kermit the Frog here..."

Us Air Force

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.
As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says,
“Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished. ”
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says,
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind? ”

Bubba and his two friends

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over. ” The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba. ” The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over. ” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Bubba. ” The mortician asked, “How can you tell? ” Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes. ” “What? He had two assholes? ” said the mortician. “Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Bubba with them two assholes. ’

The Lone Ranger's Last Request

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. Alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,

"Listen Very Carefully!!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID...' BRING POSSE'"