Joke Buddha's Daily Jokes

Juan & Amal

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amal. The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him Juan. Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished that she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Snow difference

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Q: What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
A: Snowballs!

TWINKIE JOKE

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.
He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.
When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's a**.
The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.
This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his a**.
Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.
The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's a**.
After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his a**hole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!

Why is lemon juice made

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Women and mathematics

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A: Because men keep telling them that this...

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... is 12 inches.

One day 2 blondes decided to drive

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disneyland. When they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" they turned around and went home.

Blonde and Genie

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' ''Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''

Bungee Jumping Mamma

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

Santa Riddle

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

One day a little boy over heard his parents...

buddha@jokebuddha.com (Joke Buddha)

One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boyshrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cuthimself. The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using." So the boy wandered into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and blurted out "Fuck". Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! Thecompany is already here!" So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cuntsand dicks in the closet. My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey."