James Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
    The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
    note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
    1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
    apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
    witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
    2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
    Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
    was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
    3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
    Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
    head, ruled a suicide.
    4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
    Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

    The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland. He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives his mail with adhesive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England`s head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland. He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland, and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - more...

    There is black boy, Malcolm; a white boy, James; and a Mexican girl
    Jaunita in a spelling bee at school.
    To win the spelling bee the student must spell the word correctly and use
    the word in a sentence.
    Teacher: James, spell dictate.
    James: d-e-c-t-a-t-e
    Teacher: Sorry that's wrong.
    Teacher: Juanita spell dictate.
    Juanita: d-i-k-t-a-t-e
    Teacher: Sorry that's wrong.
    Teacher: Malcolm spell dictate.
    Malcolm: d-i-c-t-a-t-e
    Teacher: Correct Malcolm. Now use it in a sentence.
    Malcolm: Juanita, how my dic tate las nite?

    Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy..
    Both were traveling to US.
    Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know ur name please?"
    James Bond: "I am Bond.. James Bond."
    James Bond: "and you?"
    Telugu Guy: "I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. .. Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.."
    James Bond FAINTS.

    Some word definitions

    Hot 3 years ago

    Determination
    Talking the boss out of firing you. (Ken Pinkham)
    Anthrax
    The thorax of a certain colonial insect (Gary Hallock)
    Contract
    Follow the prisoner (Phil Hudson)
    Advice
    Pick up a new bad habit (Jay Christie)
    Tangent
    man who has been in the sun. (Lexicon)
    Catacomb
    An implement for grooming felines. (Richard Lederer and James Ertner)
    Disbelief
    How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is. (Jay Christie)
    Political
    Scratching your parrot under his wing to make him laugh uncontrolably. (Stan Kegel)
    Jaywalking
    Exercise that brings on that run–down feeling (Robert Meyers)
    Taxi driver
    someone who earns a living by driving customers away. (Lexicon)
    Catatonic
    Your feline's favorite drink (Richard Lederer and James Ertner)
    Console
    Fileted fish served in prison. (Keith Martin)
    Forfeit
    What most animals stand on (Jay Christie)
    Digress
    Tinted artificial turf. (J. A. more...

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