James Jokes

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!"Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?"With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says..."Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!"

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the
pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind, "You wanted to end the Americans'
liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed the
Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a
large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke,
James Monroe and 65 other 18th century American revolutionaries. As he
writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back
toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he
screams, "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel more...

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.
4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

1991 - A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.
1992 - Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S.D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."
1993 - Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James Heard had a 0.26 more...

A wealthy man goes to his office one morning. When he gets there he realizes
that he has left his wallet at home and there is something important in it
that he needs. He gets on the phone, calls home where the butler answers.
"James, I left my wallet in my pants, and I need you to get it for me. There
is an important paper that you can read to me over the phone."
The butler goes upstairs to the bedroom to get the wallet. A few minutes
later he comes back to the phone to tell the man, "I am sorry, your wife is
in the bedroom and she does not let me in to get the wallet!"
The man tells James, "I do not care about that! Tell her you need to get in!
Just get the wallet for me, now!"
James goes upstairs again, and returns a minute later, "Sir, I could not
find your wallet, but I did discover a man hiding in the room with your
wife!"
"What? I do not believe this! OK. Listen to me! This is what I more...