Top Rated Jokes

On a mountain

Hot 1 year ago

There were 10 blondes and 1 brunette hanging on a rope in the mountains. the rope was very weak and the brunette said someone had to let go. no one volunteered, until the brunette finally said she would let go, and gave a heart-felt speech. hearing this the blondes started clapping...

You So Ugly

Hot 3 weeks ago

Your so ugly you remind me of an elephants bottom.

A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

cider

Hot 11 months agoby justincider

A little boy hurts his finger, runs in the house, and calls out to his mother. "Oh," she says, "let me get a band-aid for that."
"No!" cries the boy, "Cider!"
"Cider?" the mother exclaims. "What on earth do you want cider for?"
"Because," he explains, "Sis says whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she likes to put it in cider."

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

yo hairline

Hot 1 year agoby Michael

all we need to do is put a flashlight to your hairline then we will get the batmat symbol

The Cruise!

Hot 10 months ago

Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.
They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
"I can't let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy.
"Sorry, can't let you in, either." said St. Peter. "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...
"It's not looking good for us Dick."