Top Rated Jokes

A Spanking

Hot 7 years ago

A Little Boy Wasn't Getting Good Marks In School. One Day He Tapped His Teacher On The Shoulder And Said, "I Don't Want To Scare You, But My Daddy Says If I Don't Get Better Grades, Somebody Is Going To Get A Spanking."

Cold Cream

Hot 2 weeks ago

Little Connie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, Mom?"

"To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" Connie started. "Giving up?"

Dart Team

Hot 2 years ago

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a
nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.
Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin
bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."
"What about your husband?" asked the model.
"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.
"Good," said more...

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

The Layoff

Hot 4 years ago

The Layoff

Boss, to four of his employees:' 'I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go.''

Black Employee:' 'I'm a protected minority.''

Female Employee:' 'And I'm a woman.''

Oldest Employee:' 'Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin.''

...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:' 'I think I might be gay...''

Artie

Hot 6 years ago

This young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates "Artie" who has done these contracts before.
Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn't have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What's in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.
Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they're alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day more...

This Miserable Life

Hot 3 years ago

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He sits motionless, staring
like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big guy breezes into the bar, steps next to him, reaches over, takes the drink from this
poor guy, and just drinks it all down. At that, the poor man starts crying.
The big guy, embarrassed, says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I
just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that," replies the little guy. "It's just that today is the worst day of my life!"
" First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, who has a furious temper, fired
me! Then, when I left the building, I found out that my car had been stolen! The police filled out
some forms, but said they could do nothing."
"So next I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found
that I left my more...