Salt Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Brains or Intelligence?

    Hot 3 years ago

    All members of Mensa have I.Q.s of at least 140.
    At one Mensa convention, several members at a local cafe noticed the shaker with an S on top, for salt, contained pepper and their pepper shaker, with a P on top, was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, here was the marvellous Mensa mystery!
    They presented ideas, debated them, and finally came up with what they felt was a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
    They called the blonde waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
    "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains..."
    "Oh, sorry!" interrupted the blonde waitress. "Here," and she unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

    Mom's Brownie Recipe

    Hot 4 years ago

    Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
    Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
    Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
    Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
    Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
    Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
    Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
    Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
    Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
    Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
    for ventilation.
    Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
    Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
    Let cat out of refrigerator.
    Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
    Bake 25 minutes.
    Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...

    Christmas Cake Recipe

    Hot 3 years ago

    CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE You'll need the following: 1 cup of water
    1 cup of sugar
    4 large brown eggs
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 teaspoon of salt
    1 cup of brown sugar
    Lemon juice
    Nuts
    1 bottle of whisky
    Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
    highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
    in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
    Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
    fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
    Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
    Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 5 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    New Turkey Recipe

    Hot 3 years ago

    7lb. Turkey
    2 TBS. Butter
    5 grams Heroin
    Salt and Pepper to taste
    Balloon

    Rinse Turkey well and place in roasting pan breast side down. Grease Turkey with butter. Place Heroin in Balloon and shove it into Turkey cavity. Salt and Pepper. Cover and place in oven at 350 for 7 hours or until the balloon busts. Let cool for 30 minutes. Carve and Enjoy!

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