Careful Jokes / Recent Jokes
ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM
---Author unknown
For years' n years they told me,
be careful of your breasts
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
and give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings
and protected them by law
Guarded them very carefully,
and always wore a bra.
After 30 years of careful care,
the doctor found a lump
He ordered up a mammogram
to look inside that clump.
Stand up very close, she said,
as she got my tit in line
And tell me when it hurts, she said,
Ah, yes, there! That's just fine.
She stepped upon a pedal...
I could not believe my eyes
A plastic plate was pressing down...
My boob was in a vice!!!
My skin was stretched' n stretched
from way up by my chin
And my poor tit was being squashed
to swedish pancake thin!!!
Excruciating pain I felt within
it's vice-like grip
A prisoner in this more...
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
There was this Punjabi minister (they do not always have to be sardarji) who, on the eve of his goodwill mission to Birmingham, was advised by his Tamilian secretary:' Sarr, be careful with your pronunciation of English words. Don't say diviyun, it is division, not "tallyviyyun, it is television, not maiyyur, it is measure.' And so on.
The minister made careful note of these tricky words. On arrival at Birmingham airport he was welcomed by the Lord Mayor of the city. The Punjabi minister, extending his hand, said,' How nice to meet you, Lord Measure!'
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.