Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup brown sugar
1 or 2 bottles scotch whiskey
Before you start, sample the scotch to check quality. Good isn't it? Now start baking.
Select a large misking bowl, measuring cup etc.
Check the scotch again, as it must be just right.
To be sure that the scotch is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
With an electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
And one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure the scotch is still OK.
Cry another cup.
Open second bottle if necessary.
Ant tow large leggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat till high.
If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with drewscriver.
Next, sift three cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.
Sample scotch again.
Sift half cup of lemon juice.
Fold in more...
An Italian, a Mexican, and a Redneck constuction worker all sat down one day to eat their lunch on top of a building they were working on.
The Italian opens his lunch and looks in and says, "Pastrami again! If I get pastrami one more day, I'm gonna jump off this building."
The Mexican opens his lunch and says, "Tamales again! If I get tamales one more day, I am gonna jump off this building."
The Redneck opens his lunch and says, "Peanut butter and jelly again! If I get peanut butter and jelly one more day, I am gonna jump off this building."
The next day at lunch, the Italian opens his lunch and finds pastrami, so he jumps off the building.
The Mexican opens his lunch and finds tamales, so he jumps off the building.
The Redneck opens his lunch and finds peanut butter and jelly, so he jumps off the building.
Later, at the funeral the Italian's wife cries out, "I didn't know he disliked pastrami so much!"
2 TBS. Butter
5 grams Heroin
Salt and Pepper to taste
Rinse Turkey well and place in roasting pan breast side down. Grease Turkey with butter. Place Heroin in Balloon and shove it into Turkey cavity. Salt and Pepper. Cover and place in oven at 350 for 7 hours or until the balloon busts. Let cool for 30 minutes. Carve and Enjoy!
Every year around this time, my sister makes an attempt to create what she says is her masterpiece of culinary delight (in fact, she usually makes two or three attempts) but alas, I have yet to sample even a tiny morsel of it.
Here is the recipe she uses:
1 or 2 quarts rum baking powder
1c. butter 1tsp. soda
1tsp. sugar lemon juice
2 large eggs brown sugar
1c. dried fruit nuts
Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality-- try another cup. Open second quart, if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit more...