Peanut Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chuck Norris gargle

    Hot 2 years ago

    Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

    Little Johnny's Peanut

    Hot 8 years ago

    Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house, and says,' 'Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!''

    Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks,' 'What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?''

    ' 'No silly, it's salty!''

    [Editor's note: Please don't sue me.]

    The Cautious Monkey

    Hot 7 years ago

    Aman walks inot a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.He steps up to the bar, sets the monkey on the bar, slidesthe peanut bowl ove to the monkey, then orders a beer. While the man is drinking his beer, the monkey takes a peanut, hulls it, looks at it, stickes it up his ass, then eats the peanut. the brtender sees this and tells the man,"Hey! Get that nasty animal outa my bar."
    "What nasty animal?"
    The man replies. "That monkey"says the bartender,"He's hulling those peanuts, sticking them up his ass, then eating them."
    "Oh, He's not being nasty .He's being cautious."
    The man says. "How do you figure that?"
    ask the bartender. "Well you see," explained the man,"my monkey used to be a gluttion. Then one day a woman gave him a peach, and after passing that pit, now he makes sure it fits befor he eats it"

    Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
    No one is listening until you make a mistake.
    If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
    If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

    Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth.

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