Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
An Italian, a Mexican, and a Redneck constuction worker all sat down one day to eat their lunch on top of a building they were working on.
The Italian opens his lunch and looks in and says, "Pastrami again! If I get pastrami one more day, I'm gonna jump off this building."
The Mexican opens his lunch and says, "Tamales again! If I get tamales one more day, I am gonna jump off this building."
The Redneck opens his lunch and says, "Peanut butter and jelly again! If I get peanut butter and jelly one more day, I am gonna jump off this building."
The next day at lunch, the Italian opens his lunch and finds pastrami, so he jumps off the building.
The Mexican opens his lunch and finds tamales, so he jumps off the building.
The Redneck opens his lunch and finds peanut butter and jelly, so he jumps off the building.
Later, at the funeral the Italian's wife cries out, "I didn't know he disliked pastrami so much!"
Aman walks inot a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.He steps up to the bar, sets the monkey on the bar, slidesthe peanut bowl ove to the monkey, then orders a beer. While the man is drinking his beer, the monkey takes a peanut, hulls it, looks at it, stickes it up his ass, then eats the peanut. the brtender sees this and tells the man,"Hey! Get that nasty animal outa my bar."
"What nasty animal?"
The man replies. "That monkey"says the bartender,"He's hulling those peanuts, sticking them up his ass, then eating them."
"Oh, He's not being nasty .He's being cautious."
The man says. "How do you figure that?"
ask the bartender. "Well you see," explained the man,"my monkey used to be a gluttion. Then one day a woman gave him a peach, and after passing that pit, now he makes sure it fits befor he eats it"
Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house, and says,' 'Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!''
Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks,' 'What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?''
' 'No silly, it's salty!''
[Editor's note: Please don't sue me.]
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl
Scout cookies made out of?