Date Jokes

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    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 1 year ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



    Company more...

    A Little Too Much Sun

    Hot 2 years ago

    Jim had a date with a really, hot blonde and in preparation for it, he went on the rooftop of his apartment building to get a tan. Not wanting to have any tan lines, he decided to sunbathe in the nude. Unfortunately, Jim fell asleep. When he finally woke up, he was sunburned everywhere, including his member.
    Determined to not let it ruin his big date, he hurried back to his apartment and immediately put some lotion on his penis to stop the burning.
    His date arrived at his apartment and he treated her to a romantic dinner. After dinner, they were relaxing on the couch in his living room, watching a movie, when the soothing effects of the lotion began to wear off. Jim endured the pain for a short while and finally excused himself so he could apply more lotion, only to find that he had run out.
    He recalled a friend telling him that milk was helpful in reducing sunburn pain, so he went into the kitchen, poured a large glass of cold milk, quickly placed his sunburned penis in more...

    50's Date

    Hot 2 years ago

    It is the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Carrie.

    He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, Carries father answers and invites him in.

    'Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' her dad said.

    'That's cool', says Bobby.

    Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

    Carrie's father responds' why don't you two go somewhere and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.'

    Bobby, is not quite sure he heard correctly, so he asks Carries dad to repeat what was just said.

    'Yeah', her dad says,' Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'

    Well, this certainly made Bobby's emotions light up. Now he's REALLY looking forward to the evening.

    A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces more...

    Dear Mom and Dad:
    Since I left for college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down. Okay?
    Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me in the hospital, and since I have nowhere to live because of the burned-out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a more...

    Bad Date

    Hot 2 years ago

    Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

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