Daughter Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Mother's 3 Daughters

    Hot 1 year ago

    A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
    The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
    Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
    The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra long. King Size".
    She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
    The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another more...

    FIRST TESTIMONY:
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
    asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
    turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
    say a word...
    he knew better.
    SECOND TESTIMONY:
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
    unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
    several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
    at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
    at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
    THIRD TESTIMONY:
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
    boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
    looking at your nuts." My sister started to more...

    Email and Internet

    Hot 1 year ago

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
    The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."
    Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address or internet access you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."
    Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a more...

    A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything... the heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, etc... and his wife is getting tired of his depressing talk. So she says to him: "One more complaint and I'll cut your penis off with my pen-knife".
    About half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices the guy's dick off, and throws it out the window.
    Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three: husband, wife, and a 8 year old daughter. The penis lands on their car's windshield, and the father, in an absolute panic (as he doesn't want his daughter to see the penis), quickly turns on the windshield wipers (to get the dick off the windshield, and out of view of his daughter).
    The observant daughter asks: "Daddy, what was that?"
    Her father, still in a panic, says, "Oh it was only a... uh... more...

    Once there was a farmer who sired four daughters. After they reached
    puberty, he fretted for their virtue and always answered the door with a
    loaded shotgun in his hands.
    One night he answered a knock at the door to find a young man standing at
    his threshold. The young man said:
    "My name is Freddie
    I've come to pick up Betty.
    We're going out for spaghetti.
    I hope she's ready."
    The farmer thought the lad's introduction intelligent and witty, so he let
    his daughter go out with the fellow.
    A few minutes later, another knock was heard. Upon answering, the farmer
    encountered a second youth who said:
    "My name's Vance.
    I've come for Nance.
    We're going to a dance.
    Is she ready by chance?"
    Again the farmer though the introduction and the young lad to be
    acceptible, so he allowed his second daughter to go out.
    Within a short time, a third knock was heard and yet another young man
    was standing on more...

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