Apple Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Helicopter Grenade

    Hot 1 year ago

    There are three guys in a helicopter and they each get to choose what they want to throw out.
    The first guys chooses an apple. So he takes an apple and throws it out.
    The second guy chooses a brick. So he takes a brick and throws it out.
    The third guy chooses a grenade. So he pulls the pin and throws it out.
    They land a while later and are walking along when they find a man rubbing his head.
    They ask, "
    What happened to you?"
    He answers, "
    An apple hit me on the head."
    They're walking along again and find a man lying unconcious on the ground.
    They ask the cop, "
    What happened to him?"
    He answers, "
    A brick hit him on the head."
    They're walking again, when they find a man laughing histerically.
    They ask, "
    What happened to you?"
    He answers, "
    I farted and the house blew up behind me!"

    Computer Heaven and Hell

    Hot 6 years ago

    In Computer Heaven:The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.In Computer Hell:The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

    Microsoft announced plans to open retail stores, hoping to boost visibility of many of its products and its brand. The move seems to be an effort to mimic the success that Apple has had with its retail stores. The news is just too tempting not to have some fun with. So here are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.

    1) Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes -- reminiscent of Windows security.

    2) The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of $100 for no apparent reason.

    3) Instead of a "Genius Bar" (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a more...

    Rich Man

    Hot 4 years ago

    A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
    The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold
    the apple for ten cents.
    The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
    Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 7 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

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