Bible Jokes

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    Christian Faith

    Hot 2 years ago

    There was this Christian lady who had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.

    After a while he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

    The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."

    He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"

    She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."

    He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

    The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him."

    "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man more...

    Go Forth and Multiply

    Hot 3 years ago

    After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the
    animals to leave, he told the animals "To go forth and multiply."All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the
    ark."Why can't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah."We can't," answered the snakes. "We're adders."

    A priest, a carpenter, and an army man all go up in a plane. The priest says lets all throw something out the window. So the priest starts by throwing a bible out the window. Then the carpenter throws a hammer out the window. Then the army man decides to throw a gernade out the window.
    After they throw everything out window the priest goes down to see what happened. He goes up to a kid that is crying and asks him what happened. He says a bible fell down and hit him. Then the priest goes up to another kid thats crying and he asks what happend. The kid says a bible hit him. Then the priest goes up to an old man sitting in a lawn chair laughing and asks what happened.
    The grandpa says I just farted and the building behind me blew up!

    Bible scholars have long wondered how old Isaac was when his father
    Abraham took him up to the mountain top to offer him as a sacrifice.
    Through careful study of the story as related in the Old Testament,
    based on the following facts:
    Issac was old enough to understand the ritual of sacrifice,
    Issac was old enough to carry wood for the fire to the top of the
    mountain,
    Issac was old enough to notice that they were not bringing an animal
    for the sacrifice.
    Therefore Issac's age, at this time, was greater than 8 years old.
    Scholars also conclude that he was younger than 12 years old as
    supported by the following fact:
    If Issac had been older than twelve, he would have been a
    teenager and it would not have been a sacrifice.

    This is a joke from my pastor about the using the Scriptures out of context...
    A man was looking into the Bible for some guidance. Not knowing where to look, he simply opened the Bible randomly and point his finger at a passage. Wherever his finger lands, he will take as advice.
    Here's the first: "Judas went out and hanged himself". Not knowing what to make out of that, he tried again.
    This time it is: "Go and do likewise." Completely baffled, he tried a third time.
    "Whatever you are to do, do so quickly."

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