Bible Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears.Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments.The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.The seventh more...

The World History

Hot 3 years ago

[Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
created from an more...

Exam Answers

Hot 8 years ago

Andy:- Please note the GCSE's are public exams taken by 13 year olds in UK
This is an indication of the wonderful future that awaits the UK... the level of answers in GCSE exams!
This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers...
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly more...

Biblical Q & A

Hot 4 years ago

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

A Rare Book

Hot 5 years ago

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector. "Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!" "Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther."

Punny Biblical Q+A's

Hot 4 years ago

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, more...

Children of Israel

Hot 4 years ago

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period."Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out.""What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt."Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?""Right.""An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?""Er--right.""An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?""Again you're right.""An' the Children of Israel fought the' gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?""All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?