Stretched Jokes

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    ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM

    Hot 1 year ago

    ODE TO A MAMMOGRAM
    ---Author unknown

    For years' n years they told me,
    be careful of your breasts
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
    and give them monthly tests.

    So I heeded all their warnings
    and protected them by law
    Guarded them very carefully,
    and always wore a bra.

    After 30 years of careful care,
    the doctor found a lump
    He ordered up a mammogram
    to look inside that clump.

    Stand up very close, she said,
    as she got my tit in line
    And tell me when it hurts, she said,
    Ah, yes, there! That's just fine.

    She stepped upon a pedal...
    I could not believe my eyes
    A plastic plate was pressing down...
    My boob was in a vice!!!

    My skin was stretched' n stretched
    from way up by my chin
    And my poor tit was being squashed
    to swedish pancake thin!!!

    Excruciating pain I felt within
    it's vice-like grip
    A prisoner in this more...

    For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care, My doctor found a lump. She ordered up a mammogram, To look inside that bump. "Stand up very close" she said. As she got my boob in line, "And tell me when it hurts" she said. "Ah yes! There, that's fine.
    She stepped upon a pedal. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, My boob was in a vise!
    My skin was stretched and stretched, From way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt. Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this viscous thing, My poor defenseless tit!
    "Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And more...

    For years 'n years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests."
    So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, An always wore a bra.
    After thirty years of careful care, The doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump.
    "Stand up very close," she said, As she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah, yes! There! That's just fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal... I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down. My boob was in a vise!!!
    My skin was stretched 'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squeezed To Swedish pancake thin!!!
    Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vise-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!!
    "Take a deep breath" she said to me Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is more...

    For years 'n years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests."So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, An always wore a bra.After thirty years of careful care, The doctor found a lump, He ordered up a Mammogram To look inside that clump."Stand up very close," she said, As she got my tit in line, "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah, yes! There! That's just fine."She stepped upon a pedal... I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate was pressing down. My boob was in a vise!!! My skin was stretched 'n stretched From way up by my chin, And my poor tit was being squeezed To Swedish pancake thin!!! Excruciating pain I felt, Within its vise-like grip, A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!!"Take a deep breath" she said to me Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't more...

    For years 'n years they told me,
    Be careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
    And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings
    And protected them by law
    Guarded them very carefully,
    An always wore a bra.
    After thirty years of careful care,
    The doctor found a lump,
    He ordered up a Mammogram
    To look inside that clump.
    "Stand up very close," she said,
    As she got my tit in line,
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah, yes! There! That's just fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal...
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate was pressing down...
    My boob was in a vise!!!
    My skin was stretched 'n stretched
    From way up by my chin,
    And my poor tit was being squeezed
    To Swedish pancake thin!!!
    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within its vise-like grip,
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless tit!!
    "Take a deep more...

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