Cooking Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Stupid Ex-wife

    Hot 2 years ago

    My ex-wife thinks cooking and fucking are cities in China.

    Barbeque Season

    Hot 6 years ago

    After four long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking, as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is some of danger involved.
    When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:
    1) The woman buys the food.
    2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
    3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
    Here comes the important part:
    5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
    6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 8 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    a kids mum is putting on makeup. she then says shit. "what is shit" asked the kid. "its another word for putting on makeup said the mum. then the kid goes to the park where a man is selling condoms. "what are condoms asked the kid. condoms is another word for coats sed the man. at home the kids mum and dad are having an srgument and are calling each other bitches and bastards. what are bitches and bastards asks the the kid. bitches and bastards is just another word for ladies and gentlemen sed the kids parents. in the kitchen the kids dad is cooking a chicken and he says fuck. what is fuck sed the kid. it is another word for cooking the chicken says the dad. later on the doorbell rings and the kids parents tell the kid to answer the door. so the kid answers the door and says bitches and bastard may i take your condoms my mum is upstairs shiting on her makeup and my dad is in the kitchen fucking the chicken.

    Bachelor Cooking

    Hot 3 years ago

    Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

    "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

    "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,' Take a clean dish and...'"

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