Machine Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Coke machine

    Hot 8 months ago

    A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke.
    The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
    She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and, of course, the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
    Another woman walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before asking if someone else could have a go.
    The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, 'Can't you see I'm winning?'

    Little johnny at school

    Hot 8 months ago

    One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand."My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He more...

    Latex Factory

    Hot 7 months ago

    A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

    At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

    Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!" "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

    A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
    been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
    about all the new technology. A technician followed her
    onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
    machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
    to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
    "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
    machine."

    New computer doctor

    Hot 6 months ago

    One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor".
    His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00."
    Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird noise and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed. It said:
    You have tennis elbow.
    Soak your arm in warm water,
    avoid heavy labour,
    it will be better in two weeks.
    Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
    He mixed some tap water, a stool more...

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