Forget Jokes

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    An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

    Dave Barry On College

    Hot 2 years ago

    College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
    Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
    1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
    2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
    These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.
    It's very difficult to forget everything. For example, when I was in college, I had to memorize - don't ask me why - the names of three metaphysical poets other than John Donne. I have managed to forget one of them, but I still remember that the other two were more...

    Below are the typical areas of a resume and my priceless secrets for dealing with them. These tips will help crush the competition, get you in the door and put you behind a desk making 50 big ones, plus bonus.
    THE NAME - Use the name to your advantage. Spice it up a little bit. Steve Smith goes nowhere fast. But Sir Stephen Smith - now that might turn a few heads. Nicknames also help. Mark "Keyboards" O'Malley is good. Mark "Kegsucker" O'Malley is bad.
    THE ADDRESS - Forget your real address. Make a statement instead! Saying you're from the Bronx suggests you're tough as nails. Anyplace in Japan implies you believe in an 18-hour-a-day work ethic!
    THE PHONE NUMBER - Skip it. What are the odds they'll call - 1,000 to 1. If they do, they'll probably just catch your roommate somewhere in the middle of his second six-pack. My advice is never put your phone number on a resume unless you want to try some interesting 900 number which might wake up a recruiter or more...

    I never forget a face

    Hot 4 years ago

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

    Legal Q & A's

    Hot 1 month ago

    Questions are asked by lawyers.
    Answers are given by witnesses.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
    when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said,' Where am I, Cathy?'
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Q: Let me get this straight, Mrs. Clarkson. Despite the
    fact that you had hired detectives to watch your
    husband's every move, you yourself stood on that
    corner every night, in all kinds of weather,
    watching your more...

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