Pee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home." Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! ""Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old." No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old." No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a more...

A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands. 8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee. 9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee. 10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex and pee. 11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A. M. waking husband but instead of giving him head, go and pee.

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and more...

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?

To go where no man had gone before.

A patient complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night. “Before it happens, do you see any dreams? “ the doctor said.
“Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, ‘Let‘s pee. “ “OK, “ the doctor said.
“Next time you see the demon, say, “No, we‘ve already peed. “
Next time the patient came to the doctor, the latter asked, “So? Did you do as I said?
“Yes, I did. “
“Did it help? “ “Yes, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse. “ “How? “ “As I said ‘We‘ve already peed, ‘ the demon nodded and said, ‘Then, let‘s shit a little. “

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. The 70 year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee. “
The 80 year old man says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement. “
The 90 year old man says, “At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow. “ “So what`s your problem? “ ask the others. “I don t wake up until nine! “

Once, three men who worked for different computer companies walked into the same toilet at the same time. they all start to pee
In the toilet. when the first man finishes, he goes to the basin and washes his hands and says'at microsoft computer inc., we
Wash our hands thoroughly after doing our business. the second man finishes and goes to wash his hands. He says smuggly'at
Techno computer university, we wash our hands twice and then put moisturiser on our hands!". then the last guy comes to wash
His hands and says'at apple computers inc., we dont pee on our hands"