Worst Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A traveling salesman, in the middle of his two-week stint on the road, walks into a whore house. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it to the Madam of the house.
    "Give me the WORST lay you have here." he says.
    The Madam, looking confused, says, "But sir, for this kind of money, you can have one of my very BEST girls."
    The salesman, not to be discouraged, says, "Please, I just want the WORST piece of ass in the house."
    The Madam, now getting a bit upset replies, "Sir, for $300.00, you could get the best lay of your life."
    Sheepishly the salesman says, "I don't want the best lay of my life. I'm not horny - I'm homesick!"

    Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

    "No...not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I piss like a race horse; no problem at all."

    "Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70-year-old.

    "Well, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30 am."

    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old more...

    Parents Worst Nightmare

    Hot 7 years ago

    & father passing by his son`s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad,
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I`m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I`ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it`s not only the passion, Dad. She`s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana cocaine doesn` t really hurt anyone. more...

    Worst Age

    Hot 8 years ago

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens."
    "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens."
    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
    "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
    "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
    "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
    "No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
    Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
    "I don't wake up till 7:00."

    Female drivers

    Hot 5 years ago

    I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
    I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of more...

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