Age Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

    Pondering old age

    Hot 7 years ago

    How do I know that my youth is all spent?
    Well, my get up and go has got up and went.
    But in spite of it all I am able to grin
    when I recall where my get up has been.
    Old age is golden-so I've heard it said-
    but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed,
    with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup,
    my eyes on the table until I wake up.
    Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself,
    "Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"
    And I'm happy to say as I close my door,
    my friends are the same, perhaps even more.
    When I was young, my slippers were red,
    I could pick up my heels right over my head.
    When I grew older, my slippers were blue,
    but still I could dance the whole night through.
    But now I am old, my slippers are black,
    I walk to the store and puff my way back.
    The reason I know my youth is all spent,
    my get up and go has got up and went.
    But I really don't mind when I more...

    Old Age And Cunning

    Hot 7 years ago

    An old farmer in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, Horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
    As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
    The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
    Moral: Old age and more...

    I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

    Sixty is the worst age

    Hot 7 years ago

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
    "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
    "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6: 00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
    "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
    "No, I crap every morning at 6: 30."
    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
    straight. You pee every morning at 6: 00 and crap every morning at 6: 30.
    So what's so tough about being more...

  • Recent Activity