Jacob Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Amish and the Fuzz!

    Hot 5 years ago

    An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
    "Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
    "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.
    "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.
    Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
    "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
    "He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.
    "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
    "I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...

    The World History

    Hot 3 years ago

    [Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
    student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
    genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
    college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
    The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
    Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
    the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
    cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
    created from an more...

    Dirty Ryhmes

    Hot 6 years ago

    (Row Row Row Your Boat)
    Roll, roll, roll your joint
    twist it at the end,
    take a puff,
    that's enough and pass it to a friend.
    Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
    he stuck his thumb up his ass
    and found his uncles underpants
    and said "What a good boy am I"
    Mary Mary quite contrary
    shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
    Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
    Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
    Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
    He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
    He said, "Excuse me ladies,
    just doing my duty
    so why not pull down your pants
    and give me some booty."
    Hickory Dickory more...

    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certfiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

    The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my more...

    "I have sinned," said Adam originally.
    "Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.
    "Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.
    "You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.
    "No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.
    "Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.
    "Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.
    "My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.
    "I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.
    "Hey, Fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.
    "I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.
    "Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.
    "See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's daughter said mosaically.
    "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said more...

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