Pants Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    FIRST TESTIMONY:
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
    asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
    turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
    say a word...
    he knew better.
    SECOND TESTIMONY:
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
    unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
    several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
    at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
    at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
    THIRD TESTIMONY:
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
    variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
    boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
    looking at your nuts." My sister started to more...

    Gorilla Language

    Hot 9 months ago

    A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at his local zoo when along came a gust of wind which swept some dust into his eye. The guy rubbed his eyelid which sent the gorilla crazy. He bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
    When the guy finally came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. The zookeeper nodded knowingly as he explained that pulling down your eyelid means "screw you" in gorilla language. Obviously this didn't make the victim feel all that compensated for what had happened so he vowed revenge.
    The next day, shopping list in hand, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Placing the sausage in his pants, off he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage where he opened up his bag of goodies. Of course he knew that gorillas were natural mimics so he proceeded to put on one of the party hats. As expected, the gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed more...

    A boy and a girl were walking from school one day and the boy says "
    I have a skateboard skateboards are for boys only"
    .
    hearing this the girl asked her mum for a skateboard.So the next day they were walking home and the girl shows the boy her skate board. And the boy said "
    Well footballs are for boys you cant have one"
    To this the girl asked her mum for a football.
    And on the next day they were walking home and the girl showed the boy her football and the boy said"
    ok then"
    and he pulled his pants down and said "
    Your mum cant posably buy you one of these"
    So the next day they were walking home and the boy said"
    you cant tell me you've got one"
    And the girl pulled her pants down and said "
    my mummy said "
    As long as I have one of these I can get as many of them as I want"
    .

    Potty Training

    Hot 7 months ago

    Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
    1. Unbutton pants
    2. Pull pants down
    3. Pull foreskin back
    4. Pee
    5. Push foreskin forward
    6. Pull pants up and button up
    She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.
    Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

    Alternative Cybersex

    Hot 7 months ago

    This is one of the funniest pieces I have ever come across. It is apparently from a real log...
    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
    Wellhung:Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
    Sweetheart:I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
    Wellhung:I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.
    Sweetheart:I want you. Would you like to screw more...

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