Use Jokes

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for more...

Story of a Physics student who got the following question in an exam:

"You are given an accurate barometer, how would you use it to determine the height of a skyscraper? "

He answered: "Go to the top floor, tie a long piece of string to the barometer, let it down' till it touches the ground and measure the length of the string".

The examiner wasn't satisfied, so they decided to interview the guy:

"Can you give us another method, one which demonstrates your knowledge of Physics? "

"Sure, go to the top floor, drop the barometer off, and measure how long before it hits the ground......"

"Not, quite what we wanted, care to try again? "

"Make a pendulum of the barometer, measure its period at the bottom, then measure its period at the top......"

"..another try? ...."

"Measure the length of the barometer, then mount it more...

I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...

In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said,' 'I'm off. The man should be here soon''.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.' 'Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

''Really?'' the photographer asked.' 'Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and more...