Pee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three old men were sitting around talking. The 80 year old said “The best thing that could happen to me would just be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again. The 85 year old said “the best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movment. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on but it’s still a problem. The 90 year old said “Thats not my problem. every morning at 6: 00am sharp I have a good long pee. At 6: 30am sharp I have a great bowel movement the best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7: 00am

In medieval europe- sometime in the 1300's- there were
monastaries that made wax candles
One monotonous day, a brother monk, as he was in the process of
making his candles, began to feel a bit squeemish as he had
never been with a lady.
So the monk slipped out his pee pee and proceded to masturbate.
Many other monks witnessed what he was doing and began feeling
a tad bit squeemish themselves. Many of the fellow monks also
pulled out their wankers and proceded to giz into the wax.
Before they knew it, candle making became the newest hobby around
the monistary.
Eventually the monks were caught, and were charged with being
heretics by the inquisition- no true believer in God would ever
try to seek earthly pleasures... so all were tortured to death.
Meanwhile, the candles, that were made by the monks in the
nearby monastary, were distributed all over Europe.
It was just around that same time that a terrible more...

body: This is a true transcript of an essay written by a M. P. at the Parliamentarians English Exam (PEE). As many Parliamentarians failed it, PEE is not done in Parliament anymore.
The Sri Lanka Elefant
-------------------------
There is a three Sri Lanka elefants. One is a home elefant. Two is a val elefant. Three is a UNP party animal.
The elefant has 5 legs.
Elefant has long thunk hanging between. 2 white iworry tasks some have on both side of hanging thunk. These iworry is very moneyful. Some bad men rape the val elefant to get iworry.
Elefants like to eat banananas, bunns, gnanakathas, like that. It like to drink milk and toddy. Like you and other people elefants send extra food out to the world from the behind of the backside at the back.
Elefants have tail. This is to move its fly. Some time elefant is moving tail this way that way but his fly is not out. Then elefant gets angry and runs around like a man with prithi kashana.
Elefant more...

A man walks up to the bartender in a bar, and says "I bet you $50 that if you slide a glass across the bar counter, as fast as you can. I can pee into that glass without missing a drop." The bartender agrees, and dose it. The man pees ALL over the bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry, but you owe me $50." The guy says "That's OK I just bet the guy over there $100 that I could pee all over your bar, and not get in trouble."

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word' pee' in church. From now on when you have to' pee' just tell me that you have to whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! "

"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let more...