Pee Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree your dog does.

Ok guys, own up... which one are you?

Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.

Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.

Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.

Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.

Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.

Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.

Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.

Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a more...

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times.

Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky.

All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

"Whats wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out".

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl.

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. "No" replied the boy, "I was playing with more...

Ok guys, own up... which one are you? Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger. Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not. Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later. Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy. Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink. Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot. Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do. Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants. Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing. Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering. Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing. Sneaky Type Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him. Sloppy Type Pees on more...

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’". "How do you play that?" asked the redneck. "It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess." So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play." The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe. "You win for sure," they both said. Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother more...

The African man walks into a liquor store and buys a coke. He drinks it and the Chinese clerk starts laughing. The African guy says, "Why are you laughing?" The Chinese man said, "Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your coke." The African man said in response angrily, "Me Black man, me run fast, me gonna kick your fuckin' ass!"

A doctor told her patient that his test results indicated that he had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
Isn’t there anything I can do? pleaded the patient.
Marry a lawyer, the doctor advised. It will be the longest six months of your life.

Back Pain
Paul and I were talking one day when Paul says, I went to see the doctor the other day for that pain in my back.
So what happened? I asked.
Well, he ran a bunch of tests, gave me some pills and sent me home. Told me to stay in bed for a week. He also told me to sit down whenever I had to pee. Can you imagine that? A grown man having to sit to pee?
Why would he want you to sit to pee? I asked
Well, said Paul, With my bad back, he doesn't want me picking up anything too heavy.