Vice Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Scooter Libby, who got indicted, has set up a legal defense fund to help pay his legal bills. It's pretty good, for a $1,000 donation you get a hand-written thank you note and the name of a CIA agent." --Jay Leno

"Libby was indicted on two counts of obstruction of justice, three counts of perjury, and one count of not being as smart as Karl Rove." --Jon Stewart

"What did Scooter Libby say when he bumped into President Bush at the White House?. .. Pardon me." --Jay Leno

"Outside the courthouse, Libby's lawyer said all he wants to do is clear his client's good name. I don't know, Scooter? Is that a good name?" --Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney's former assistant, Scooter Libby, pleaded not guilty to the Yeah, the weird thing is since his name is Scooter, he's being tried in juvenile court." --Conan O'Brien

"Dick Cheney's right-hand man Scooter Libby has been indicted. By more...

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the HouseGingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in acar together in Kansas. A tornado comes along andwhirls them up into the air and tosses them thousandsof yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from thevehicle, they realize theyre in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. TheWizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "Im going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "Im going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Wheres Dorothy?"

Laloo talks to his son, "I want you to marry a girl of my choice ". Son: "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo: "But the girl is Ambani’s daughter." Son: "Well, in that case..."
Next Laloo approaches Ambani, "I have a husband for your daughter." Ambani: "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo: "But this young man is a vice president of the World Bank."
Ambani: "Ah, in that case..." Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice president."
President: "But I already have more vice presidents than I need."
Laloo: "But this young man is Ambani’s son-in-law." President: "Ah, in that case..."

How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

Q: How many unix programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2]" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.

Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!

Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light more...

Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies
REDMOND, Washington - January 4, 1995 - In response to customer inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm), its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named "Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names at very low more...