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    It's chemical

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    April 1, 1988: The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
    by physicists at Turgid University. The element, tentatively named
    Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic
    number is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
    75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an
    atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus
    by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called
    memoons.
    Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
    detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is
    present. According to Dr. M. Langour, one of the discoverers of the element, a
    very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes less
    than a second take over four days.
    Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at more...

    A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol 36, No. 1As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towardslegislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionarythought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch thesurface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especiallytrue in light of the findings of 20th century physics.We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together inan intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placementof suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offeredfor sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of requiredwarnings appears below.Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.Warning: This Product Attracts Every more...

    Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA-The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a more...

    AMES, IA-The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
    materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named
    Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight
    of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
    neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of
    312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that
    involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
    Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can
    be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into
    contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium
    caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction
    time is less than one second.
    Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at
    which time it does not actually decay, but instead more...

    New Chemical Element Discovered The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered byinvestigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentativelynamed administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomicnumber of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves thecontinuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can bedetected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes onereaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normallyoccurred in less than a second.Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at whichtime it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in more...

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