Watergate Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.
    So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"
    Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"
    So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how 'bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."
    Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

    Nixon: Watergate
    Clinton: Waterbed
    Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
    Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
    Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
    Clinton: Worried about carpet burns
    Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
    Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
    Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
    Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
    Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
    Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
    Clinton: (No difference)
    Nixon: Ex-President
    Clinton: Sex-President
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
    Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying "He's the one!"
    Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
    Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
    Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot
    Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
    Clinton: Took on Many more...

    Nixon: Watergate
    Clinton: Water Bed
    Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War
    Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore
    Nixon: Carpet bombing
    Clinton: Carpet burns
    Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
    Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
    Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
    Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape
    Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
    Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
    Clinton: No difference
    Nixon: Ex-President
    Clinton: Sex-President
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
    Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying "He's the one"
    Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
    Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
    Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot
    Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
    Clinton: Took on a Ho
    Nixon: Talked about more...

    On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.

    So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"

    Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"

    So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how' bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."

    Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

    "Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton":
    Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water Bed
    Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore
    Nixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burns
    Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
    Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
    Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcase
    Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No difference
    Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President
    Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say "He's the one"
    Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
    Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot
    Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with more...

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