Famous Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.
    Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous.
    "I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him."
    "I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play."
    "Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."
    Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you more...

    Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"

    This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...

    Bazooka Blow

    Hot 6 years ago

    In a bid to resolve a sticky mess, a judge has decided that an Argentine company can continue making its own Bazooka gum even though its relationship with gum company that made the brand famous has long since soured.
    After hearing the news, Bazooka CFO Joseph G. Epstein (aka "Bazooka Joe) was so unbelievably distraught he apparently comitted suicide.
    Authorities claim the cause of death was an overdose of a lethal cocktail of pure heroin, "Pop Rocks" and tropical flavored "Razzles"

    Bazooka Joe
    Comic Icon, U.S. Senator, Eye-Patch Supermodel, Famous Nazi Hunter
    1933-2006

    Red Adair walked into an Aberdonian pub after two weeks spent putting
    out a fire in a North Sea oil well. He ordered a pint of heavy and
    found a table. The man sitting next to him immediately noticed that
    this rugged-looking elderly fellow was indeed an American and said:
    "I've been to the States myself, you know. I went there last year."
    "Oh really..." our oil rig hero said in a rather tired voice.
    "Aye, I spent a month in California. One night I went to a concert
    with a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and..."
    "Surely you must mean KENNY Rogers," Red said, looking at the ceiling.
    "Aye, that's right. Anyway, he sang a duet with a bonnie lass
    called Polly Darton."
    "It's DOLLY PARTON, not Polly Darton." Red was not in the friendliest
    of moods now.
    The Scot realized that he was making a fool of himself and tried a
    change of topic:
    "Haven't I seen you on more...

  • Recent Activity