English Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Nutrition and Health

    Hot 1 year agoby Tats

    The final word on nutrition and health.
    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
    5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

    Two men and one woman

    Hot 1 year ago

    Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. .. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two more...

    Learn Chinese

    Hot 1 year ago

    Ever wanted to learn a language OTHER than English? Well, here's your first Chinese lesson...
    Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding
    See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
    Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
    Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
    Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
    I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
    I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
    It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
    Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
    That was an unauthorized execution.- Lin Ching
    I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
    This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
    You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
    I got this for free - Ai No Pei
    I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
    Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
    Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
    They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
    Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
    He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
    Does this bathroom stink! more...

    F- UCK

    Hot 1 year ago

    What starts with the letter F and ends in UCK?
    FiretrUCK

    Three Daughters

    Hot 1 year ago

    A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
    The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mum was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
    The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
    The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went more...

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