History Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Redneck Joke

    Hot 1 year ago

    Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
    The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.
    "What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.
    "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
    "That's real good!" said the redneck.
    The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
    Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!"
    "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.
    "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
    "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are more...

    Migraine Sufferer

    Hot 3 years ago

    A man with a long history of migraine headaches goes to see his doctor. The doctor does his history and physical and discovers that the poor man has had just about every therapy known to man for his migraines, and still, there has been no improvement.
    "Listen," the doctor says, "I suffer from migraines too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't anything I learned in medical school, it's advice I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home and soak in a nice hot bathtub for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
    Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache disappears immediately. Give it a try, then come back and see me in six weeks."
    Six weeks later, the patient returns wearing a big grin. "Doc, you were right! I took your more...

    Slick Sailor

    Hot 5 years ago

    There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
    The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his more...

    I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
    1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
    2.Proper beer
    3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
    4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
    5.Union jack underpants.
    6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
    7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
    9.Ditto changing underwear
    10.Beats being Welsh.
    10a. Or Scottish

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
    1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
    2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
    3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
    4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
    5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
    6.You can more...

    One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

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