"Slick Sailor" joke
There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his ass and it came out yellow. "Ha" said the admiral "i dont have hodgkins podgkins desease." Immediatly after winning to Jones he called the captian of the ship Jones was transfered from and said "i won a bet against Jones" and the captian said how "well he bet me $20 i had hodgkins podgkins desease and the only way to tell was to stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you got hodgkins podgkins desease, if it comes out yellow you dont, and it came out yellow." The captain Immediatly replied "Jessus Christ i just bet him $1000 last week that he couldnt get you to stick a banana up your ass!"
A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don`t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he more...
An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins." How am I doing?" He asks." Three knots," she replies." Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."