"Top 10 reason for being from all sorts of places" joke
I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7.You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8.Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
> humiliating your sense of national pride.
9.You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
10.People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
1.You can have a woman president without electing her.
2.You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3.You can call Budweiser beer.
4.You can be a crook and still be president.
5.If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6.If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7.You get to be really obese.
8.You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9.You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a. When you're not.
10b. At all.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1.In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2.Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3.No need to worry about tax returns.
4.Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
5.Can wear sunglasses inside.
7.Flexible working hours.
8.Live near the Pope.
9.Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10.Country run by Sicilian murderers
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
1.Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2.The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3.You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4.The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5.Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
7.Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8.You get to eat bulls' testicles.
10.Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potato
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
8. Chicken Dopiaza
9. Meat Boona
10. Kingfisher lager
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3.You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4.Pubs never close.
5.Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican
Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex
> with a condom on.
6.No one can ever remember the night before.
7.Kill people you don't agree with.
10.Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3am in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1.It beats being an American.
2.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3.You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5.Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6.A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8.Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover your house in
10.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
1.Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
3.Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4.Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5.Tact and sensitivity.
8.Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9.Drinking cold lager on the beach
10.Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
(but not written by!)
Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.